I was excited and scared, looking forward to the new stuff. But the old stuff has such a hold on me, that it's almost impossible to let it go.
God knew. He made sure I left. He had His plan and I have to abide - no matter how hard.
I've done hard things before. I've made it through all the things I should have laid down and given up over. This is just another one of those things.
It wasn't real until today. Now it's real. I cannot go back again. No matter what.
If there are things there that I need or want, too bad. It's not mine anymore. If there are things there that you need or want, too bad. It's not yours anymore either.
Storage unit is full to the brim and I still left so much behind....so many memories...so many mementos...so many things....and that's all they are - things.
Oh, but it hurts....so bad...so many years of my life...so many happy memories and times...so many sad ones too.
A therapist told Trav that bad memories can hold you to a place just as strongly as good ones...that it is the emotion that holds you prisoner, regardless of the reason behind it. I guess that's true.
It's the home my parents build. The home we came to when we left the service. The home we brought Shane to when he was born. The home we lived in and loved in and lost in. All of our fur babies are buried on that property.
So much love...so much pain...so much growth...so much life.
I know this is not the type of post you are used to seeing from me, but it needed to be said and I think you needed to hear it, too. Thank you for your understanding as I deal with this new situation. Love to you all.
1 comment:
This has happened to me three times in my life. I know it can be debilitating but it also can be freeing. You have rid yourself of "stuff" but not of people, and not of memories. You now have room for more things, people and memories to come to you. Morn the things you left. Have a burial for the things and keep the memories. Then find new experiences. I hope you can get beyond this and be joyous.
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