Working on the Camper

Working on the camper

We are tearing stuff apart and figuring out how to do the things we wanted to do.  Trav is good at the figuring out part and I do a lot of the grunt work. 

We tore the bunk out today and discovered that the bottom bunk, the one that covers the outside storage will work better for us if we leave it there and make my craft room on top of it…that way the cats will have their own room.  You know, for their litter box and food bowl, and they can be serviced thru the outside storage door.  We are formulating a new plan for the craft area that I think will work out even better than the one we had originally devised.  I am starting to get a little more excited about this now…there will even be a place to hang the paper holder!!!!!

 

Flying out

Flying out

It’s going to be a long day.

But well worth it.

Leaving Gainesville at 6 am means arriving at the airport around 4:30 – 5:00

Arriving in St. Louis at 10:21

Buses leave airport for lodge at 12:45

Trip to lodge usually takes about 2 hours

Again, Long, Long Day

Won't be posting until I get back, hope you miss me! lol

Spouses

Getting ready for Spouses.

I have done absolutely nothing to get ready for Spouses this year.  Nothing…too many other things going on.  Proves I really need to go, doesn’t it?

What is Spouses? You ask?  It is a retreat specifically designed to help the spouses of Fallen LEOs relax, connect and recharge.  Heal.  Help each other.  Make new friends.  Build a support system.  Feel less along. 

It is a weekend of crying and laughing.  Loving and hugging.  Playing and healing. 

It is like nothing else I have ever been a part of.

I am blessed.

We have a camper!!!!

Ok, well, looks like we have a camper!!!!

We were getting just a tad stressed.  Make that a LOT stressed.  The hearing was yesterday morning and I think there will be, maybe, ten days after that to get out?  Not sure, never had this kind of thing happen before.  But I know it’s getting down to the wire and we were not sure we would have anything to live in.  Again, I trust God, but…always that but…it sucks, that but.  But it exists and I have to deal with it every day.

In this case, He is coming thru for us, just as he always has in the past.  Maybe not in ways we would have liked, or soon enough to ease our stress, but (again with the but) He has Always come through.

Believe it or not, after all the stress, angst, and fear, we wound up with the first one we looked at.  He finally talked his ex into a lower price and it was ours.  It is a smallish unit but it has the bunkroom we are going to convert into my craft area and a door to close off the bedroom when Trav is having a bad time.  It is newer and has NO LEAKS!!!!   The roof is due to be sealed, soon, but it has not leaked yet that we are aware of.   It has ducted AC and two entrance doors.  Means we can always get to the bathroom!!!! (and open it to air it out, if the need arises).  (pictures below taken by seller, more to come from us later). No, it’s not perfect, there is no perfect RV as far as I know, but it’s as close as we were ever going to get and we are ecstatic to get it.  Yes we are, believe me.

 

 

We still need the van, but that will happen.  It is not as urgent as having a home.  And the young man from whom we are buying this God send, delivered it for us!!!!  It is sitting in our front drive as I type!!  We are ready to start moving stuff into it and packing stuff and and and

And if you think that wasn’t enough to worry about, I am leaving for Spouses Retreat on Friday – wheels up at 6am!  So won’t be here for 4 full days…and leaving Trav and the fids without a home was not something I was really looking forward to.  Non refundable airline tickets as well, so no backing out.  Sigh

 

Thank you one and all for your love, help, advice, and prayers….they were all very much appreciated.

Today is Tuesday

Today is Tuesday

I really don't have much to say today.

It is the hearing day.

It is the last day that we officially 'own' our home.

It is a very sad day.

Tomorrow will be better.

Thank you for caring.

You know that song, Daddy’s hands?  It’s been running thru my head today, for some reason.  I guess I must miss him a little today.  No really obvious reason for that, just got him in my heart.

Anyways, because you all know I’m a little bizarre and crazy, you must know that when I can’t resolve something, I turn it into something else.  In this case my brain is making up words to that song…Daddys Van…rust and beige are the colors, Daddys van, always clutter and a mess.  Daddys van was always dirty but I’ve come to understand, there is always mud in Daddys van.

Sigh, that is such a sad tribute to such a great man.  I love my Daddy.  Always have and always will.  Miss him so much sometimes it still hurts, even after all this time.  To have him here right now to help us with this turmoil.  To know that I could count on his knowledge and know how would be of immeasurable comfort.  Not having him here is always a shock – you would think by now I would be used to it, but I’m not.   Man, losing a parent never goes away, does it?

But he is not here, and we will have to muddle on through without his wisdom.  But we have one bit of comfort in all of this – he did raise me after all, so I am pretty well schooled in the art of survival and overcoming.  He left me that legacy and I think him.

So, you know you can leave comments on here, right?

So, you know you can leave comments on here, right?

Yep, right down there at the bottom is a place to tell me what you think or answer any questions I may pose on here.

And I want you to, so I know what is going on in your life and maybe you can give me some ideas about what I can write about.

It is important you know.  I need to know what you want as well as what I want.

So, that being said…where do you think we should go first?  Once we do the family visits, I mean.

There is an event, Krawl’n for the Fallen that we are attending in November, and then we are planning on actually leaving the state in either January or February.  After that we are going to see some family and then heading up to Missouri for a retreat.  Then we are free.

What are your thoughts?  What is the first place that you would go, if you had the opportunity?  What is a place you have always wanted to see and haven’t been able to?  Is there somewhere we can go and send you pictures to help stave off the longing until you Can go there? 

Are you from somewhere and think that it is the most awesome place on the planet and would like us to visit and confirm those thoughts?

Is there somewhere you have been that you feel is a must see for us?  Please drop your comments below and let us know.  Tell us your thoughts and dreams.  Let us learn from you.  We really would like to do just that.

Thank you!

Here is Home

As we travel around today and try to find a camper, I have once again noticed just how beautiful my home state is.  I haven’t lived or traveled to a really large number of places, but I do know that none of them have compared to here.  Here is home.  And no matter where we travel, this will always be where I’m ‘from’. 

Interesting phrase, isn’t it?  “Here is home”   Where is home?  Where ever my heart is…trite?  Yes, but true.    I have never truly believed that home is an actual place.  Yes it is where we live.  But that can be anywhere or nowhere.  Home to me has always meant a safe place.  A place I could just be who I am.  Let my hair down and relax.  I have lived in a few different places, some for as little as a couple months and others for upwards of 40 years.  They have all been home.  They have all been shared with someone I love and have felt loved.  That is home.

We are about to embark on an adventure that is going to take us far from Home.  But at the same time, we are taking Home with us…as we will be traveling in our home and because we are together on this adventure, that will make it doubly Home.

Some would call us crazy, some blessed.  I think what I’m trying to say in this post is…it is always a matter of our own perceptions.  What is?  What we see and what we feel and how we react to same.

 

C.O.P.S.

If you know me at all, then you know that I am a Law Enforcement Surviving spouse.  On July 30^th, 1988 my husband, David, was shot and killed while responding to a call.  He killed his assailant before succumbing to his wound.  This all happened in the wee hours of the morning, in a little bitty town of about 3000 people.  If you are interested in the details, there is a book that Trav and I wrote that is available on Amazon, but this is not about that, so why am I going over this again.?  Well, this post is about an organization that helps survivors – well, survive. 

That organization is Concerns of Police Survivors – COPS.  www.concernsofpolicesurvivors.org.    COPS was founded in 1984 by some police wives who saw that there was a need.  A widow from their department was not doing well and they realized that there was nothing in place to give her the support she needed.  Her and all the other survivors out there at the time. 

Since that time there have been hundreds upon hundreds of survivors who have benefited from this organization.  It took a long, long time for me to become involved with them.  There are several reasons for this, none of which matter to this post.  Just know that I am now active in my chapter and am helping others make it thru the unrelenting pain that comes with the death of someone they love.

We are, actually, on our way right now to the monthly chapter meeting.  Our guest speaker tonight will be Sheriff Bobby Schultz of Gilchrist County.  I am looking forward to hearing him speak again.  I have heard him several times before and he is always uplifting and positive.  He is a very spiritual man and it’s nice to listen to someone who is unashamed of his faith and God.  That has become a tad rare lately, I fear. 

Our chapter is considered one of the best in the county – it has had excellent leadership since it’s inception 20 years ago.  I am so proud to be a member of Northeast Florida COPS.  The awesome survivors who founded our chapter are still here, helping others every day.  Thank you, Charles, Janis, Mary, Vickie, Johnny and all the others who have spent years making NEFL COPS so great.  We are in the process of training some new leaders as most of ours are getting up there in years (70s, and 80s).  My friend Holly Reed (surviving spouse of Chad Reed, Dixie County So) is our new Regional Trustee,  and I am a trustee for our chapter and this has helped me to learn new ways to interact with other survivors in a positive and uplifting way.

Back in 1989 my mom and I went to National Police Week in Washington DC to honor David’s sacrifice.  Last year I went back for the first time since that visit and was overwhelmed by the differences, mostly how many MORE survivors were there…and amazed to see how little had actually changed.  The purpose of the event and the support and love shown were the same.  To me that is amazing.  As huge as it is – the love is still there.  Thanks to both the awesome National COPS staff, and to the giving hearts of survivors who have stepped up to help each other.  It is overwhelming and heartbreaking and amazing.  I went back this year in a ‘working’ capacity, as we had a number of new survivors going for the first time.  I think my main role this year was to just hold hands and listen when needed.  That is so difficult sometimes, as we naturally want to tell our story at every opportunity, but that is not my role, so I learned to listen and keep my trap shut.  I also found that I am pretty good at reminding new survivors that laughing and enjoying the life they have is still allowed and perfectly fine.  Yes, we are grieving our loved ones, but we are not dead.  We will learn to live our lives again, not just survive our tragedy.  That is a huge lesson.  One it took me many years and a very special man to learn.  I am so blessed.